Single and Not Ready to Mingle

134476_koldblood_forever-alone-title-screen-artAaah, a new blog post and it hasn’t been a year? Then again, some time has passed, but here I am again. Today, Saturday is hitting hard. Don’t get me wrong, passing the entire day watching Netflix and occasionally doing some social media stalking has been fun. But, I have been doing that for all of my adult life. Most Saturday’s I don’t even think about it. But on this Saturday when people are having babies and others are moving in with their significant others, it’s been taking over my mind. Also on my mind, did that juice I spilled on my computer yesterday affect my space bar? Let me check                                                                                                still works, but it is a little harder to push.

I’m 26 and in Hispanic woman years, that’s a lot, especially when single. My mom really wants me to find some guy who will take care of me and give her some more grandchildren because the three my brother has given her are apparently not enough. I am unfortunately, not very normal and pretty bad at this thing people call social lives. I’ve heard social lives are pretty fun, I’ve also heard unicorns are pretty neat. I’m an introvert. A very big introvert, like, doesn’t see the sun on Saturdays unless I really need to introvert. Today I’ve received, two snap chats? I’ve had no messages, calls, or emails. I’m lying, my internet provider called me this morning; I needed to pay my account. And, I’m sure I have a lot of emails from companies who want me to buy their stuff. Saturday plans you ask? No. You’re probably thinking I’m being overly dramatic. I probably am. The thing is, I’m tired of people demanding that I put myself out there.

It’s annoying when I see my family and they ask when I’m getting married. I’ve already told them I’m probably not getting married, when will they accept it? I’m not ready to put myself out there! Nothing terrifies me more than being around people. I like staying home; I can wear pajamas and look crazy. I’m not good at talking to people, I don’t know how to dance, I can barely walk without injuring myself, and I’m very insecure. Yes, I’m on this “life journey” (cheesy much? Mmm, cheese.) of weight loss and change, but I don’t think my personality will change. By the way, I am still losing weight, yay! I know my weight has been a big reason for my being an introvert, but I think that even if was at my ideal weight, I would still be the same. I’m not a party girl, I like staying home. I don’t like going to places where there are a lot of people. Online shopping is the best form of shopping! I’m kind of tired of people telling me to come out of my shell. You know what people, stop being rude and asking that I leave my shell. I’m like a turtle, my shell is a part of me.

Yes, I would love to be that really interesting social butterfly that is just the right amount of charming, but I’m not. So, the single life continues, unless, someone decides to stalk me for a date, because that’s just how difficult I am. No, counseling will not help. I am not going to talk to a complete stranger about myself and pay them. Most days, I’m pretty resolved that this will be my life. I’ve even plotted to have children via insemination someday, because I do want kids. Some days I do beat myself up about being a loner, but most days I’m okay with it. If I find someone someday, then that’s great, but if I don’t, that’s also okay. Not everyone has another fish in the sea, so stop looking at your single friends and family members with pity! Stop trying to turn introverts into party animals! Life makes sense in the shell, so let me be me.

P.S. I actually own a turtle, see photo below. He likes to throws some sweet parties on Saturday’s.

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322

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Hello there, all two and half of you who may stumble across this post. I’d say I was making the walk of shame of blogging, but who am I kidding, I never seriously blogged. If you’ve ever stumbled across any of my other very random posts you would know that I am heavily overweight, socially awkward, a bit odd, and full of promises I don’t intend to keep. That’s me, nice to meet you.

In a previous post, I probably promised more blogs, weight loss, and some new me bullshit. I’m here to tell you that as usual, that did not happen. In fact, I still have not logged into my blog because I can’t remember the password. If you’re seeing this, I figured it out. Yes, I am a very negative person, I apologize. So why am I back? Well to start, you should know that I like to narrate my days to myself in a Bridget Jones kind of way. You should also know that 10-year-old me dreamed of keeping a diary. To date, I have only authored one complete diary; my life isn’t very interesting. Today, however, as I narrated myself my day, I got an urge to write.  Also, it’s 10:41 p.m. and I don’t want to go to sleep.

So what does 322 mean? It means rock bottom. Yes reader, I weighed 322 pounds. And before you ask, no it did not just creep up on me. I was very well aware that it was happening, but I chose to ignore it. I remember weighing 298.2 pounds and saying to myself “You cannot weigh 300 pounds, get it together”. Spoiler alert, I didn’t get it together. The next time I weighed myself I was 303. I stared at that number and convinced myself my scale was wrong. How could that even be possible? I bought a treadmill, used it 3 times. I started a diet, lasted 5 days. I found myself in down whirl spiral of doom. Every day I was feasting on fast food in my car, promising that would be the last time. I felt gross, out of breath, and noticed that even sitting felt difficult. I had no jeans that fit me and I refused to buy anything that was not a size 18 because that’s what I was damn it! But, in reality, I could barely squeeze in a size 24 pant. Do you know what it feels like to go the store and realize that nothing fits ( not a skinny girl store).

You may have noticed I wrote “I weighed 322 pounds”.  Don’t worry reader, I don’t currently weigh 600 pounds, I actually weigh 308.8. What happened? I wish it were this huge moment, like the many I swore on before, where everything just clicked and weight loss just happened. Everything happened back towards the end of July when someone close to me started a fad diet. Not to be outdone, I started calorie counting. Again. I went into it already doubtful it would last. In fact, that whole last part of July, I was lying to my food diary and not logging in my evening meals. About three weeks later, I started trying to stay as close as possible to my required 1,700 calories. I didn’t work out; in fact, I should probably start that…oops.

Oddly enough, I started to feel less gross. I wasn’t eating completely healthy, but I also wasn’t feasting fast food every day. I first lost three pounds, which didn’t really matter because I was already accusing my scale of being shady. I started noticing a weekly weight loss, just by eating less. Come mid-August, I was already self-proclaimed calorie counting queen to my family; I even turned down cheesecake at my mom’s birthday dinner. You read that right, I,  turned down cheesecake. I swear my family wanted to force feed me that cheesecake because I was being so annoying about not eating it. “You can’t deprive yourself”, they said. But, I wasn’t depriving myself, I wanted to be able to eat carne asada and I didn’t have the calories left to eat both. In the end of August, I hit a slump. Every time I hopped on the scale, I wasn’t losing anymore. I was up two or three pounds and I was becoming so angry, weighing myself every day, thinking that if I skipped a meal I could bring it down. I quickly eased off the scale and realized that being obsessive about my weight would not lead to good things. So, I was stuck at 312 pounds for a week and a half, until it went down to 310 pounds and currently 308.8 pounds.

I can honestly say, I’ve never purposely been successful in losing this much weight. I had a job that required a lot of hard work which made me lose weight once, but I never lost weight from any of my weight loss schemes. I want nine pounds to melt off so I can be in the 200’s again. I know that thirteen pounds are not a lot, but I can feel that I’ve lost them. I’m focusing on relearning how to eat. I don’t know what a proper portion is… I would eat until I felt sick. Some days I feel like this is impossible and realize that I have to lose a whole person to be where I need to be. It’s scary to think of how much I have to do still, but this feeling of lightness is amazing. I don’t feel gross, stuffed, and shaky. It feels good to be satisfied and not near explosion. I feel like a baby pig who can suddenly fly and it’s awesome.

P.S. I had to reset my password.

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Sunday blog day! I hope I can keep that schedule up. My mind lately has been all about making myself accountable by making schedules…and it ends there. I like to think of things I should be doing, but never really do them. There’s just so many more easier things I could be doing, like binge watching Chasing Life all weekend and eating. It’s a little ironic how  I can watch that show while let my life pass me by.

I do a lot of complaining for someone who isn’t really trying. Oh why am I alone? Why am I single? Why am I fat? Why is my life so hard? I wish I could slap myself for being so annoying. What I have done to solve all of these issues besides complain? Sure, my self diagnosed social anxiety acts as a barrier to a lot of aspects of my life, but I can’t keep hiding behind it. Why am I fat, single, and alone? Well maybe, its because I took maybe twenty steps all day today, only to go get more food, and spent the whole day in bed with my tablet. I should really start dating my tablet, I think he’s my soul mate.

Good grief, get a grip woman, your life is passing you by! I love how I can be so angry at myself and totally nonchalant at the same time. I keep thinking I have so much time, but I don’t know that. Oh, I’ll start a diet tomorrow, right now let me eat 5000 burgers as a last meal. Oh, I want to find friends, but I don’t want to go outside. This past week, I had to write an introduction post about me for an online class (insert eye roll) and it was miserable. Well, lets see, my hobbies include… complaining, watching Netflix, and going to school? In my spare time I like to pretend I’m a vegetable, and be still, like broccoli. Instead, I had to make up some lie about how I like to hike this mountain I live close by and hang out with friends. I have no friends and I’ve hiked that mountain once in the 15 years I’ve lived here. Let me tell you, hiking that mountain was so hard. I  really did not think it would be, I chose the smallest one. I was huffing and puffing the whole way up, I could feel my breath burning while on that hike. But I did it.

That mountain glares at me every time I look out my window or step outside of the house. It’s like my own metaphor to my life. Climbing that mountain was hard, but not impossible, just like my social anxiety, weight problems, and my love life. Oh look at me, talking about mountains and shit, like I’m so deep. Right now, I really just want to watch Pretty Woman, but I really should be starting on life. My knees have started hurting lately, probably from my lack of exercise and recent weight gain. I lack the motivation, the drive to do all those things I want. What better motivation than a better me right? Apparently, not even that is enough to motivate me to move.

I need to get it together.

I can do this right?

-E

Supergirl: A Bit of Light Amid the Dark — Why That’s Not a Bad Thing

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So, the Supergirl trailer debuted yesterday, and the internet went bananas. It seems like there’s no middle ground – it’s either SQUEE or NOPE. I’m in the SQUEE camp, and here’s why: she’s layered and relatable. And she’s a charming badass. Let’s discuss.

The major complaint I’m seeing in that kind of a bumbling goofball, work-wise. But one thing I loved – that I related to – is the idea of working so hard to be normal (aka to fit in). Because I’ve done that. I’ve spent time trying to not rock the boat, to be less. And there’s usually some kind of impetus that shakes a person out of that. For Kara Zor-El, it’s her sister and an entire plane full of people being in danger.

In the pilot, Kara rescues a plane full of people. She flies. She kicks ass. And then has a goofy grin about it…

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Time’s 100 Novels Ranked By Amazon Sales

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One of my favorite parts of Amazon is the Amazon sales rank. It’s just a quick gauge of how the public generally receives a book.

While sales don’t always indicate a novel’s quality or critical reception (see Twilight), they’re sometimes a decent indicator. So because I have tons of free time (I don’t, really), I thought I’d dig up the Amazon sales ranking for all of the Time Magazine 100 novels. Then, throw them all in a spreadsheet and see how they rank.

Let’s take a look at how the Time 100 novels rank by sales on Amazon. Note: The book’s overall ranking is the number to the right.

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The Lonely Days

Hello. I won’t bother with any excuses for my absence, after all, no one missed me. It’s creeping close to a year since a post from me. So I didn’t keep up with my blog? Typical me behavior. I didn’t keep up with the gym either if you happen to have seen my last post.

While I like to think I’m terribly busy for everything, the truth is I am not. Claiming school and work as my priorities has allowed me to create excuses for myself, but the truth is I have no social life whatsoever. Today, I found myself in the mood for texting, so I immediately text three of the closest people to me…relatives. The “texting” experience was over quick however. I know these three people to be glued to their phones 24/7, but at least two of them like to pretend like their not and take their sweet time in responding. I had no patience for it today however. If you don’t want to talk, then don’t text back. I prefer no response to lame one worded answers every ten minutes.

Anyway, after I grew annoyed of no real conversation, I decided to go on Craigslist and see the platonic section. I don’t know why I bother, honestly. The platonic section may as well be the dating section and it’s super creepy. I then went to the dating section where nothing at all tempted my in the slightest to respond. Sigh. Should I sign up to a dating site? Are there friend sites? Upon further reflection, the idea of a dating site was not appealing as I knew it would end once they wanted to meet. I just want someone to talk to!

There is absolutely no one who I could contact right now, not related to me. I am lonely. I should just start talking to myself (that’s how I ended up back here). I’ve yet to meet someone like me, socially awkward that is. Yeah, there are those who claim to be shy, but their not and those who are just awkward, but it works for them. Then there are the me kind who really have no one out there, which is probably why I don’t meet people like me. Making friends, hell, making acquaintances is so hard for me. Add to that the fact that I’m constantly second guessing myself and my actions. I scrutinize everything I do! Aaaahh!!!!

Someone once asked me “why do you care what people think”? Sure, it’s was easy for him to say, I don’t have that kind of confidence. Why do I care? I don’t know? It’s how I am. It’s how I think! That way of thinking has caused me to lose contact with society. If I don’t have to go out, I wont. Even a visit to my hairdresser proved to be awkward since I was the only other person there. He’s awesome and funny, but when he asks me about whats going on in my life or my plans for the weekend  I just want to crawl in a hole and die. Instead, I make up a fake outing with fake friends. Sorry my dear, this fabulous hair you have given my will be admired by no one.

Perhaps I’m as interesting as a rock. Actually, rocks are pretty fascinating, scratch that. I only have my pets, they are forced to listen to me. I feel like a Disney Princess at times, talking to my animals… singing to animals… trying to get my animals to clean for me… Except, there is no possibility of a prince coming by anytime soon. No, not even dwarfs are to be expected. Human interaction requires input from both parties. I have not put myself out there in a long time, therefore I have what I deserve; no one.

I am now a year older; my birthday’s are more dreaded than anything. It’s only a reminder that another year has passed me by and I’m probably lonelier than the previous year. How does one make friends? I really do not know anymore. I really should stop complaining. But, I’m lonely, so I have no one else to complain to.

Help.

-E

Gymtimidation

GymLast year, I lost 30 pounds. Don’t congratulate me, I didn’t try to lose 30 pounds instead, my job was somewhat physically demanding which caused my weight loss. Had I eaten better, I may have lost more. I now have a desk job, which I knew would be the end of my weight loss glory. Thirty pounds was a minor dent to the amount I want to lose. Now, I’m gaining weight again. Damn, why did a leave that job for a better job? Now I actually have to try and exercise. It’s gym time…great.

Ive had a gym membership for a long time now. Ive gone to that gym like three times. Embarrassing, I know. But I do think about going every week, if that somehow makes it better. I picked a gym a little on the far side, traffic gets bad there on the weekdays too. I picked that gym because it was small. I figure the smaller it is, the less people I’ll see right? I could have gone to the major gym closer to home that everyone I went to high school with and their mama goes to, but the last thing I wanted was for people who actually know me to see me in that state.

I have whats called gymtimdation. Getting to the gym is the first part of the battle. Not being intimidated by those physically perfect forms that walk the gym is the other. You know who I’m talking about. It’s the really muscular and good looking guy who looks like he’s dressed for success, gym success, lifting god knows how many pounds in weights and working out like a pro. Or, its that chick who can rock yoga pants and glistens as she runs a marathon on the treadmill. Those bastards. Why would would I want to go to the gym and be constantly reminded that I don’t look like that? Instead I’m the one wearing a big t-shirt and sweat pants that don’t flatter me at all. I’m the one with the red face pouring down in sweat and looking like I will be passing out while I do a brisk walk on the treadmill. Yes, I’m the one who is probably using the machines wrong and you can tell I never come to the gym and probably wont come back after this time. When I walk into the gym I feel like they know, they all know I don’t belong.

Nothing makes me feel better than seeing someone like me at the gym. I don’t feel like a stick out like a sore thumb if someone else is looking like me. I wish I could tune out and just work out. Those people are probably not judging me right? No one cares that I’m fat. I do this out of the gym too. Am I the fattest person in the room? Is that guy looking at me? He’s probably judging my huge thighs and lack of butt. If I walk into a store where I know nothing fits me, I feel as if everyone wonders why I’m there. Obviously nothing fits. That why I love online shopping. The checkout button can’t judge me.

My weight is a constant wall for me, it stops me from enjoying myself and socializing. At the gym however, it feels like a mountain. If someone tries to talk to me at the gym I freak out at a whole other level. I don’t want anyone staring at me, talking to me, working out next to me, or walking by me when I’m there. If it’s completely empty, then it’s perfect and even then I think the mirror is judging me. Why don’t I work out at home? Because I’ll never do it. There are so many distractions at home and no pressure to work out. At the gym, the pressure is for you to work out . That’s why all those machines are there, waiting for me to figure out how to use them. Once I’m at the gym, I don’t slack off. I work out as much as a can, even if I’m not entirely sure how many reps I’m doing. I just work out.

My goal this week is to work out three times a week. I would like to it be five times a week, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves now. Three days will be challenging enough. I would also like to go, put on my music, and just work out. I want to get rid of this gymtimidation. I really need to work out, it’s time.

E

Me, Myself, and I. That’s all I got.

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I was watching the show Six Feet Under when I came to the realization of how my life may end. The show always starts off showing how a person died and then they focus of the actual cast members. On this particular episode, a woman had chocked on a piece of food and died in her kitchen. This woman heated up what looked like a frozen meal, sat at her table which had a TV in the middle of it, and ate her meal. Completely alone. She later chocked on a bite of her food and died. Her body was not discovered until a week later, when a neighbor complained of the smell. No one missed her, no one looked for her, no one cared. ” That could be me” was all I could think.

Now, I have parents, family, and some friends. I’m not completely alone in life. If I were to alone while devouring food, a common practice for me, I would be found since I live with my parents. But in reality, I was not thinking that that could be me right now. That could be me in the future, when I’m older and on my own. That could be me when all the people currently in my life are gone or out of touch. Those who know me know that I always go about claiming that I love being alone, and I do. Ideally,  I would like to be a social butterfly surrounded by friends. But in reality that is not me. I have a hard time forming friendships and an even harder time keeping them. Trust me, even the best-est of friends get tired of you not wanting to do anything, not wanting to go anywhere, and not answering their calls/texts.

I’m notorious for not answering the phone. Don’t list me as your emergency contact, because I will not answer.  My phone hardly makes a sound unless it’s a notification from an App or unimportant e-mails. Ive drifted apart from friends I used to have. My fault for avoiding them.  It’s completely natural for me to not to let people in anymore. The people who are currently a part of my life are here because no matter how much I avoid them, they won’t let themselves be pushed away and their related to me.

Dating is non-existent. I ‘d like to think I’m not completely hideous, but my depressing personality thinks I am. Hideous or not, I do get hit on from time to time. The sad thing is that I have this “everyone is out to get me mentality”. When someone of the opposite sex expresses an interest I think they are either…

A. Doing it as a joke

B. Blind

C. Desperate for anything that breathes.

I never think, they are genuinely attracted to me. EVER. There always has to be a reason besides attraction. You would think that Ive had some awful experience in the past where someone pretended to be interested as a joke or prank like in the movie Never Been Kissed. But no, that’s never happened. Most of the guys were actually really nice. I was never the victim of a cruel prank or bullied. I can’t really explain why I have that mentality. Too many teenage movies? Too little self-esteem? Paranoia?

Then on top of not trusting the male kind, I am also picky.  Yes, Mr. ideal has been mentally created. Ive never met anyone who is like Mr. Ideal (probably never will). Ive met guys who look or have certain characteristics of Mr. Ideal, but no one who I can say is exactly him. Yes, I know reader, there is no such thing as Mr. Ideal. Men are made of flesh and bone and are therefore incapable of being perfect. But even though I know this, I can’t seem to get attached to anyone. Most people who know me well either think Ive never had anyone try to date me or think that I’m dating someone, but I’m hiding him. The truth is I don’t let anyone get close enough to date me. If you’re getting close to me, I will be pushing away. I will find any excuse to push you away. Ive told guys I’m married, Ive told them I have a boyfriend, I told someone that I had a crazy family, and I told another that he should really find someone else because I was crazy and evil. I give no chances. They will probably break my heart anyway.  It’s so much easier being alone

Being alone you don’t have to worry about making social relationships last. You only have yourself. You may wonder, how can someone live like that? Why would someone want to be alone? Some people are  just meant belong alone. I wonder if I’m one of those people?  I do want a relationship. I do want friends. Or do I? Sometimes I think I want those relationships because that is a status quo. People being alone is sad and wrong in the eyes of society. Not getting married and not having children is a waste of life people’s eyes. Does everyone really need someone though? Is it really so wrong to be content with being alone? Am  I content with being alone or am  just pretending like  I’m okay with it? Is this blog me trying to find interaction?

I don’t know.

E

 

Old Lady Movies

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Second Post! To my surprise, my first blog post actually had readers! Thank you for reading!

Anyway, my mind has been busy all week trying to come up with a topic for my second post. Looking back at my first post, I realized I said I would explain what “old lady movies” meant… so here goes. Sorry in advance if I butcher this and make no sense.

I would like to start off by saying that I was not the one who started calling these movies “old lady movies”. A friend of mine, my one and only best friend, is the one who started that. I am well aware that the films I will describe are watched by a wide variety of age groups. But you must admit, they do seem to be more popular with the older female generation. So, what are old lady movies? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure on the exact genre. Drama? Period drama? Movies based on Classic Literature? Anything produced by the BBC and Masterpiece Classic? I have no idea. What  I do know is that I love them. I wonder if perhaps I was meant to live in that time or is it that men in breeches are my weakness?

My obsession with such films can be traced back to Wishbone. No, not the salad dressing. Wishbone, the PBS show with a dog who read and compared his life to tales of classic literature. I swear, I was the only one who willingly watched Wishbone. I LOVED that show. I had the books, a stuffed Wishbone plush, and  I was a faithful viewer. Oh, Wishbone was the best. I remember when I got my hands on the Romeo and Juliet Wishbone version, I read it in less than a day, quite the feat for me back in the day. It was then I knew, I was not normal(well, I always knew I was  little odd). Something about me has always loved older things. Older music, older movies, older books, older men…

From Wishbone I graduated to reading as many books about monarchy as I could. While everyone obsessed over Harry Potter, I was obsessed with biographies of Queen Isabella of Castile and Anne Boleyn. Then, I read actual Shakespeare.. But somehow, I wasn’t able to discover “old lady movies” until senior year in high school. We had to read certain books for English class, amongst them Jane Eyre and Sense and Sensibility. Reader, you must be at this point wondering if I meant to write about old lady books or old lady movies. Give me a few more sentences, I’ll get there. Jane Eyre became my favorite book (now Pride and Prejudice). I didn’t quite like Mr. Rochester, in fact he annoys me til this day, but I loved the book. Our teacher showed us clips of a Jane Eyre film and she just so casually mentioned Sense and Sensibility also having a very popular film adaptation. It was around the time of Valentines Day 2008 that I created an obsession.

The Jane Eyre clips I saw were…OK. I did end up watching the entire film and it was alright. Mr Rochester, I discovered, annoyed me more in film than in book. It all began with the film adaptation of Sense and Sensibility. Every year, there are these romantic films set out on special for valentines. How fitting, valentines. I was at a Walt-Mart one day and there it was, Sense and Sensibility covered in pink and hearts;only five dollars. I had to buy it. I HAD TO BUY IT! Where have you been all my life Hugh Grant as Mr. Ferrars? And Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon! From then on I started looking for movies in that genre that I still can’t quite describe. Then I found Pride and Prejudice.

I knew about Pride and Prejudice. A friend in high school had mentioned that she had read it and liked it better than Sense and Sensibility. I made a mental note to read Pride and Prejudice, but didn’t quite get to until years later. Fast forward to about a year or two after high school. It was a late night, I had just gotten home from work and of course I did not want to sleep. I felt like watching something new, something romantic, something old lady movie like. But what? I just browsed the internet until I somehow I came across Pride and Prejudice 2005. My mental note came back. DING! Hey, It’s that book, also written by Jane Austen. So I watched it and my life changed forever. Reader, it was like Mr. Darcy had been created by me. Tall, proper, reads, handsome, not a suck up, comes off as proud but when you really know him you figure out he’s a great guy… I saw the movie and it was like I was Elizabeth Bennet,  a slightly, socially awkward only witty when comfortable maybe lacking in beautiful eyes,  Elizabeth Bennet. When I first saw Mr. Darcy, I thought he was handsome, but stuck up and full of himself. Then I strongly disliked him.  Psh, not handsome enough to tempt him? What a dick! Then, how dare he do those things to that Mr. Wickham (I, unlike Lizzy, never liked Wickham)? But wait, Mr. Darcy is not a dick. Mr. Darcy is a great guy! Wait, he’s been in love with me, er Lizzy, and has been trying to repress his feelings this whole time? Mr. Darcy is amazing. I love Mr. Darcy. Swoon!

I watched that movie every single day for about a year. Yes reader, I did I find the BBC version with Collin Firth and swooned all over again.From there I found more BBC Dramas such as Emma, Tess of the D’Ubervilles, and North and South. I discovered films like The Duchess, all adaptations of Pride and Prejudice, Becoming Jane, and a Royal affair. Then, finally, I discovered Masterpiece classic. I really want to slap myself at not having known about Masterpiece Classic. Ive watched PBS for years and didn’t know about it? Shame on me. And yes, Masterpiece Classic led me to Downton Abbey.

Ive tried to persuade others into watching my old lady films, but they all say the same thing “that shit is boring”. I can’t quite explain what it is about them that I love so much. Part of it is the difficulty for romance in those times. Their not going at it like rabbits constantly and that is how they show their so in love. They have such restrictions that the slightest touch between two people is electric. A look can say more than a thousand words. I love the manners. I love the scenery. I love it all. I love how Mr. Darcy falls for Elizabeth not because she is beautiful but because he loves her mind and personality. I love how Darcy tries so hard to not like her because it’s his duty to marry better, yet he can’t. I just love the character of Mr. Darcy. I’d say hes ruined my love life, not that it was popping to start with. I love how Captain Wentworth still loves Anne even though the years have passed and he could marry any dumb pretty girl he wants. I love how Colonel Brandon wasn’t Marianne’s first choice, but definitely the better choice (somebody loves Jane Austen, ahem me). I just love it. I would love to find someone like that. Sadly, I think Mr. Darcy remains in fiction.

I do like other movies, but my old lady movie genre is a favorite of mine. And yes, I have read the books. If I happen to come across the film before the book, the book is  immediately ordered off of Amazon. So, there you have it. My description and history with old lady movies.

Until Next Time,

-E